I Apologize To All The People I Hurt While I Was Hurting
Why have I always hurt the people I loved the most, and why was no one who could love me able to emotionally abuse the people he loved?
It’s not that these people had cruel intentions, it’s just that they didn’t love me as much as I did.
When you love deeply in your heart and love is mutual, you become vulnerable and expose yourself. Unfortunately, this vulnerability makes you an easy target for those around you, but it is also one of the most important things in life.
When you act out of anger, you often hurt people you never thought would harm you, and you may not realize that you are trying to punish your partner for what someone else has done to you in the past. If you have suffered emotional trauma in your childhood, this pattern of pain may have entered your relationship. There is also a good chance that those you love will hurt you because they have been hurt in their past, but you may not realize it.
Childhood trauma is so damaging that it can haunt you for a lifetime, and while you unconditionally believe everything your parents do and say, you may never question everything they do.
I don’t understand that I may have been slightly damaged or slightly injured, but I didn’t set my example on purpose. I perceived everything I did as an act of myself as damage, not as a reaction to the trauma of being hurt.
I grew up with a lot of distance in my childhood, so I avoided closeness and intimacy and avoided intimacy. Growing up, I felt harmony and silence as something normal, whereas there was an intense sense of chaos and drama. I triggered this familiar feeling of distance, chaos, drama, etc., even though I did not know I had done it.
It is only through contact with loved ones that I have learned how lovely I am and how lovely I can be, and the truth is that I accept the love and believe that I deserve it. When I judge myself for how “lovable” I am. I was because of the abusive and harmful nature of my love, then I’ll never be able to have a relationship with the person who can love me and be with me as much as they can.
Someone who couldn’t see my worth and loved me so much that I really deserved it, but unfortunately it was mostly just that.
I tend to use my anger and resentment to punish the people I love for something they did to me, from which I have still not recovered from my own problems. Someone who made me believe I wasn’t good enough to be loved passionately, and made me believe that I was. If someone had crossed paths with me long before I brutally damaged my understanding of love, I would probably have recognized its value.
Unfortunately, I am a victim of my own anger, resentment, self-hatred and lack of respect for myself and my family.
The pattern of hurting people I love has solidified deep in my head, and I often can’t do anything about it. When I realize that my actions are hurting my loved ones, I cannot figure out how to change my behavior. I hurt myself because I don’t know how to love myself properly, but I also hurt those who love me because of the problems of the past that I’ve passed on to people who have nothing to do with them.
I get along with the fact that the people I love now have nothing to do with what hurt me before, or at least I think I can do nothing about it.
Even if you don’t, you shouldn’t treat someone who treated you so badly the way you treated yourself.
One can turn one’s anger into compassion, but it is up to one to break the chain of emotional abuse and heal oneself.
What we need is to accept our pain and start healing ourselves instead of passing it on to someone else.