To My Father In Heaven

I can’t believe I left you all those years ago, I never thought I’d have to write to you in my twenties – two, but here you are. I miss you so much and I can tell you this because I don’t need any more stressful situations in my life.

They told me I needed a positive attitude to finish school, but I really botched it and I’m ashamed of that.

I am sorry for my parents, my friends and family, but above all for all of you in the world, for the loss of my life.

I have learned a lot since your passing and I think I will always regret the way we handled those last words together, but I have learned to deal with it differently. My wise – oral life of its own is still there (cue eye – role), but we’ve learned from it, so I’m learning from it.

I’ve learned to stop judging people and I’m learning not to be so angry with myself. I learned that I wasn’t meant that seriously at the time, but I learned not to get so upset about it!

I’ve learned to speak more often and be kind to everyone, so I’m learning from that. I have learned that happiness is the most important thing in life and I am learning that I am kind to myself and to everyone.

I graduated from college with an associate’s degree and will begin my second degree at Duquesne University this fall. I remember you first as a family, but most of all as my father, brother and mother.

I never thought I would make it to this point in my life, and even less to the end of your life as a father, brother and brother – in – law of you.

I have received your thank you letters by post – birthday, and I am glad to have helped you with your decision. I know you did it on purpose, but I am glad you got it and I am glad you are with me.

Your life has been crazy in the last year, but you have really grown up now and I have already been offered an internship this summer.

Lennon is in 11th grade, Autumn has finished beauty school and is starting her career, Josh has bought his first house and Lennon and I will be married.

My whole body was numb and my whole world stood still when I received the call and I could not breathe, and I remembered what I had lost yesterday.

It took me about three months to really feel what was going on, and then I realized I wasn’t going to get through it.

I am angry at the decision you have made, but I do not think you can understand it.

I am so sorry that this must end, but I am sorry for your loss, for the loss of your children and for the loss that this has caused.

The positive outweighs the negative, the good memories outweigh the bad, and you had the chance to say goodbye to me.

You see, it was far from easy, but where I lost hope, I have recovered it, and I am still with you. It is still a daily challenge that reminds me of my love for you, my family and friends.

I don’t know how to deal with the death of a loved one, but somehow you made me pick myself up and move on. I would have stayed in bed for hours every day and not had the motivation to move. You believe in forgiveness, you believe that you gave me the strength I needed to prevail, I believe you give me what I need. And I write to the many people. I missed my family, friends, colleagues, colleagues – workers, family members, neighbors and friends of mine – last year.

And I am grateful to all of you for being here and listening to me, for your words of encouragement, support and love for me.

I will always have a piece of my heart that I will never get back, but for now I love you always, Dad, and I want you to keep checking me. I am grateful for the twenty-one years I have spent with you and for all your love, support and support for me and my family.